Chicks & Beer 2016

A friend of mine has decided that, thanks to the clusterfuck that is our current Presidential race, he will be throwing his hat in the ring as a candidate for 2016. Here is his stance on several key issues facing America today. All are written by him (with minor editorial corrections by myself).


Immigration: Mexicans yes, Canadians no. When you Canucks invent something as good as a taco you can come in. Poutine doesn't count.

Gay Marriage: I heartily encourage homosexual unions. My reasoning is that a consenting male homosexual couple marrying takes two well dressed, sensitive men out of the competition, and that female couples are just generally great.

Abortion: I support abortion up until the 33rd trimester. By the time your kid is ten you'll know whether or not you need to start over and try again.

Gun Possession: Mandatory. Random spot-checks will be made by police to ensure that all citizens over the age of 12 have at least one firearm on them at all times. Those who for some reason can not use a firearm will be provided with suitable replacement weaponry at government expense.

Middle East Conflict: Invent fusion power, ignore Middle East for next 200 years.

Foreign Relations: Ignore most other countries too, unless they have an A-bomb. Then pay just enough attention to ensure that we can nuke them first. Hang out with Canada, the UK, and Australia because we want to keep importing their maple syrup, beer, and crocodile hunters.

Privacy: As long as you're doing it on your property I don't care, however citizens are encouraged to record themselves and upload any funny and/or sexy acts to YouTube.

Congress: To be restructured into a Battle Royale style reality TV show.

I'd say that about covers it America.

My name is James Fox, and I approve this message.